More Reasons Why You’re a Pervert

So, every once in awhile, I take a look at my website counter and compile a list of all the search criteria users entered that eventually got them to my site. Every time I look at the latest list of search criteria, I feel two simultaneous emotions: shame and awe.

Shame, because the list is ironclad proof that I’m “contributing” to the seemingly endless array of useless internet clutter. Awe, because I’m consistently shocked at how users will mish-mash choice terms in my disgusting articles to create some of the most stupidly hilarious searches you could imagine.

Every search criteria makes me intensely curious as to the conversation that was going on when the search was made and what in the hell the user actually expected to find.

So, without further ado, the most recent list of Perverted Search Criteria That Eventually Found My Site:

• farting women
• sex wedges
• ass fucking pigs
• fucking fat pigs
• fucked up singing the national anthem
• george carlin ludes
• george lord memphis pipe
• niggers on social security
• vagina exercises
• mary tyler moore and the pope
• professional handjobs
• older sluts in high heels with big teats
• sarah silverman porno
• bedknobs and broomsticks soundtrack
• birthday card xenu
• blog boyfriend penis
• fat dumpy ass chinese man
• death yin yang

And my personal favorite:

• how to put a hacky sack in my ass

I mean, really . . . did this guy (notice, I assume it’s a male) expect to find an instruction manual on the best way to insert a hacky sack into his ass? People are idiots.

Glad to know I’m fueling the fire.